My five-year-old can’t tie her shoes. This didn’t bother me until she informed me that all of her friends can tie her shoes. Then I spent most of the morning worrying that I’ve failed her as a father because she can’t tie her shoes. She’s going be thirty years old and on her way to accept a Pulitzer Prize but then her shoe laces will come undone and she won’t be able to do anything about it, so she’ll sit down on the curb and sob about her lack of good parenting, which will make her miss out on a Pulizter Prize. These things matter.