All across the world, living in conditions that are scarcely imaginable, suffering emotional hardships that no human being should be asked to endure, are millions of writers who could use your help.  Act now: For less than a dollar a day, you could sponsor a struggling author through the HopeWriter Initiative. Think of it. For about the cost of a used paperback at a library rummage sale, you could offer a ray of hope to one of the millions of scribes living in wretched apartments with five roommates or down in the cold, dusty basements of their parents’ houses.

Your generous donation can provide them such things as:

• Printer paper
• Top Ramen
• Toner Cartridges
• Gift cards to Goodwill
• Subscriptions to Writer’s Digest
• Crisis intervention with distraught parents and/or marriage counseling
• Personal hygiene kits

As a HopeWriter sponsor, you are connected to one special writer who will know your name and be warmed by the thought that they have at least one dedicated reader in the world.

In return for your kindness, you will receive monthly, well-written emails from your sponsored writer, including snippets from their works in progress, as well as the occasional photo of them sitting at a computer.

You are also encouraged to correspond with your writer, and your letter, email, or Facebook post will offer these wordy souls a moment of hope in their daily struggle against a brutal, heartless regime that threatens to crush their spirits. In the end, your generosity might make the difference between a life of obscurity and bestsellerdom. You could be the answer to a writer’s prayers. Act now.

One of the many writers you could sponsor . . . 

Scott William Carter from Oregon

Gender: Still married male
Grade: Some post grad
Country: United States
Health: Very pale due to lack of sun exposure
Word Processor: Microsoft Word

Just made the day’s to-do list. I put ‘make a to-do list’ at the top and checked it off.  Now I can say I accomplished half my list!  Reminder: pick up beer for tonight.

Note to self:  don’t joke to burly cable guy about needing your Desperate Housewives fix.  He might just be a fan.

What if you really do have two left feet? Maybe you got a foot transplant and the doctors screwed up. We must be careful with our insults.

Me: Happy Birthday, Kat! You’re six! You know what this means, don’t you? It means you have to get a job.
Kat: Oh.
Me: You have to start earning your keep. What are you going to do?
Kat: I guess . . . I guess I could have a lemonade stand.
Me: Good idea. You have to sell a lot of lemonade, though.
Kat: Or I could own a hotel.
Me: Hmm . . . How old are you again?

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, there’s not much better than hearing your five-year-old spontaneously tell you that she loves you. Of course, it could have been buying her an ice cream cone that prompted it, but I’ll take what I can get. It’s not buying someone’s affection if you didn’t plan on it, is it?

If a writer gives you a story and asks for your honest opinion, he doesn’t really want your honest opinion. Actually, he does want your honest opinion, but only if it begins with the words, “This is the best story I’ve read in my life . . .” Or, slightly more risky, the opinion could be modified with “one of the best stories,” which while not preferred is at least acceptable. Otherwise, no, he doesn’t want your honest opinion. If you have to lie, that’s all right. We lie to children about Santa Claus. Telling writers what you think of their work is sort of in the same category. You should be spreading hope and good cheer. You don’t want to take Santa Claus away from a writer, do you? That’s a very crummy thing to do.

Random musing: I was thinking of starting a new company. Fritter.com. Everybody would post to it whenever they ate an apple fritter. I haven’t figured out a way to make money off it yet, but that’s okay, either has Twitter.

Useful advice:  When requesting to delay your jury duty to a later date, it’s usually not a good idea to wait until AFTER you were supposed to show up in the first place.  Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.