The scene: Dinner. My five-year-old, as usual, is complaining about what we’re feeding him.
Me: I’m tired of the whining. Someone made you a nice dinner, so the least you can do is eat it. If you don’t, maybe I’ll write a book about you. I’ll call it Calvin the Little Engine Who Couldn’t. What do you think about that?
Calvin: If you do that, if you do that – I’ll – I’ll take the napkins and throw them at your face.
Me: Yeah, but I can get that book published and have it appear in every school library in America. Millions of kids will know who you are. So you shouldn’t try to one-up me. I’ve got the advantage.
Calvin (thinking about it): Then I’ll spank your bottom ten times.